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Its not a new year post…..

Right now, i am frustrated, i am depressed, i am angry and i m completely messed up…This is certainly not how a new year should start. i wanted it to be peaceful, easy, contended. and here i am , feeling extremely pathetic, about myself, about those around me, and about those who r not around me.

I often think , why is it that , even though , the life is ours, it so much depends on others, they are the ones who decide how we feel about our situations, about our behaviour, about ourselves…There are few who  expect from you, there are few who make you feel stupid, there are few who make you feel guilty, there are some who make you feel responsible. And in a rush of attending to all of them and all of this, you loose track of urself, who you are, what you want, what do u desire. It is so much about him, her, they, them and in the whole process “I” dissapears.

Is it really that bad to think about urself?? Is it that bad to do, what you think is right??

I saw a sparrow in my balcony today morning, she sat there searching something, looking here and there, found a speck of some food dropped, picked it up and off she went.Today when i sit here writing the post, thinking about the so called responsible behaviour that is expected out of me, I envy her, envy the carelessness in her.

Lot of people say,”we want to be kids again”, i want it too, if for nothing else, but to be selfish. Yes i want to be selfish like a kid. I want to cry out loud, for something i want, without people telling me that i need to behave maturedly, that i have responsibilities i can’t shrug off, that they expect me to be proper, that they want me to not do this…..The kid crying out loud for a toy, probably might not get it, but than atleast he can tell what he wants without the fear of being judged. And that’s what i want- A day in my life, where i am what i am, i do what i feel like doing, i behave the way i want to.

Wish someone would just whisk me to a world without prejudices, lies, expectations, despairs, responsibilities……

ME ????
It is so unusual, being me,
that I have never really adjusted to it.

Often, just when I think I have a grip on being,
I look in the mirror,
and find someone else.
Someone older or more tired or wrinkled
or happier or sadder than I knew I was,
and I’m confused again.

Sometimes I expect to see my mother, or
her child, or my child when I look.
Often I feel like I won’t see
anyone at all,
and then, I’m shocked to see
a lonely remnant of someone
I thought I had known.

Sometimes, I can feel so miserable
that when I look for myself
and find a reasonable face,
I can’t help but
smile and hum in delightful
celebration of that moment.

It is so unusual, being me,
that I have never really adjusted to it

( Source of the poem: Internet )


Someone who thinks too much, has opinions about almost everything on face of this earth, a bit disoriented from the usual & normal way of living , and overtly disconnected from the mainstream. A voracious reader, food lover, and a movie buff with creative streaks here and there.

6 thoughts on “Its not a new year post…..

  1. I can relate to this… 😦
    My start to 2012 wasn’t like I expected it to be!!!!
    I hope you must have got out of the frustration and disappointment by the time you read this…
    Sometimes all you can do in life is go with the flow..!!
    Wishing you a happy new year without any such depressing moments…!!
    Take Care!!


  2. kher jo main kahne vala vo pata nahi tujhe and disha ko sahi lage na but mere hisab se khushi hum jaha chaahe dhundh sakte hain…kaam apana ho ya dusare ka agar hum kar kaam ke positive side ko dekhe to jyada behtar hoga.
    bachpan mein bhi esa nahi hain hum free the..hum padhte sirf apane liye nhi dusaro ke liye bhi yani hamare parents ke liye taki vo khush rahe, teachers khush rahe .
    its all about finding happinees
    if u think about a happy situation khushi hi milegi


  3. I can somehow relate to this as I lost a loved one just on the 30th of December so this year did not start on a good note for me.

    I had tried writing something on these lines in a funny post called The Shining Armour. Your post reminded me of that !


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