Let’s be honest.. But wait , doesn’t it hurt? Nodding your head? Me too. At the onset , let me put a clause to this post. I am not going to provide the answer to that question. Or for that matter, i do not have an answer.
For most of the length of my life i have vowed by the virtue of honesty. I have always prided myself, with the fact that i have been totally honest in my relationships. Brutally honest that is. I have told people what i felt about them, irrespective of how bad it would make them feel. I refused to sugar coat the medicine of truth and spoke it , as it was.
And then it started happening to me. I was being subject to hardest of criticism from people very close to me. And what did i feel about it? I felt like running away. I couldn’t face it. It was just too much to handle. It still is. And i realized how difficult it is to take criticism,even if we know they are for our own good and given by people who just mean to help us improve. It doesn’t mitigate the pain , at all. U still feel crap.
And i realized a few things about being honest in a relationship:
- Time is important. If you will be honest about something , that happened years back and chose to reveal it now;it will bring hurt. It is pertinent to speak right away. Don’t wait for the right time; today is the right time
- The sandwich rule: Just like performance appraisals , i believe we should use the sandwich rule here as well. So for every honest but hurtful thing you say , tell them 2 good things about them. It will help the other one to digest the truth, much easy way.
- Noone is perfect: Don’t try and go all out in correcting everything. People come with flaws and that what makes them beautiful. Some imperfections are to be accepted, not ratified.
- Be open to receive: Just like we love giving feedbacks, we do not always are open to receiving it.
- Don’t be mean : Watch out the language, tone , pitch and style. A lot of times , it is not what you say but how you say that makes a difference.
- Remember , ultimate goal should be improvement: Sometimes we get too lost in the act and forget that the ultimate goal should be the improvement of other person and not a competition of revealing truths. So if there is something you know is hurtful , however revealing it may not make much difference in your life or their life; hold it to yourself.
So if your partner of family or friend did something you did not like , or approve of, remember , it is important to be tactful. Honesty after all,is only a policy.